Three years ago,
I thought myself in love.
It was so easy to believe,
Because I thought you were, too.
Three years later,
The hopes and dreams that you
Cultivated within me,
Were all dashed by your silence.
Three years later,
I’m still struggling with the pain of your cruelty,
Your silence in all these years,
Your disregard for my feelings,
The unfulfilled dreams you made me dream,
All painful reminders of you,
Three years ago.
…
We would have been celebrating our third anniversary.
Where are the kisses?
Where are the hugs?
Where are the physical touches?
The emotional support?
Why are they lost to me?
Why do I long for them?
You say I’m a coward
But I think myself brave
You don’t know how many times I’ve hurt
And continued to try
To try even when the signs are all over the wall
That my time is being wasted
That I’m not the person they’re for me.
I choose to be the coward,
I deserve to lick my wounds in private
and get back when I feel ready
When the scab is a little harder
and the scars less visible.
Someday
I could tell you my travels
How I was 3 hours away from you
I wondered if you were still in Amsterdam
Or maybe you had left?
These are details I’m no longer privy to
Yet seem so important for me
I’ve entertained the idea of you visiting me
Or me visiting you
I’d have loved to see your face
Hear from you after so long.
Maybe just maybe
Be in your embrace
I miss you more than I thought
I ever would.
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
I lay restless in my bed
Far away from my home
Waiting for your text
My mind aimlessly roaming
Over the possibility of you texting
While catching up on a series
To help me stay awake
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
The crickets chirped their way into my thoughts
Forcing me to listen to their song
While telling you how my day went
The twitter conversation I held with strangers
Over a series I was missing
Far way from home.
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
I grew anxious waiting for your text
One Friday night when I didn’t hear from you
The silence spanned three days
Then popped the message tone
It was a message from you
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
As the silence drew itself out
I thought to ask after your whereabouts
But it wasn’t my place to do so
My curiosity pressed for answers
But I suppressed the inner war with my thoughts
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
So much reminds me of those idyllic days
Makes me long for a word from you
Triggering feelings that should be at rest
After the passage of time
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
I cannot watch certain TV stations
Without memories of you lurking
Series I long stopped following
For the thoughts that never seem to fade.
10 pm,
In the dead of the night.
Image credits: googledotcom
Love me enough to want me
Want me enough to need me
-Shanah
He intrigued her,
like a moth drawn to a brilliant flame,
she could not help but draw closer,
Close enough to feel the heat of its brilliance,
Yet too far to be engulfed by his flame.
– Shanah
Could we start over?
Learn each other a new?
Appreciate the quirks we missed about us?
Could we start over?
Let the love we held onto tightly unfurl?
Blossom into the splendour we denied ourselves?
Could we start over?
Heal the hurts between us and build new memories?
Nurture the love that can no longer be hidden?
Could we start over?
Our bodies are starting to betray us
In recognition of the attraction between us
Could we start over?
Photo credit: psiloveyou.xyz
I’m no longer the girl you used to look to,
To alleviate your boredom and lack of excitement in your relationships.
She sailed with the ship that used to dock at your port.
Everyday,
She finds herself looking into a rainbow coloured world,
Wondering,
If she’ll ever be brave enough to let go of the mental chains that held her back.
Ps: this is something I wrote in 2015. It came up in my Facebook memories. So, I decided to share it here.
Simply Shanah 